How To DEAL BACK STABBERS (My own point of view :))

When you realize a friend has been talking about you in negative and detrimental ways behind your back, what should you do?

Ask your friend if you can have an important, quiet chat together. Tell your friend that you've heard negative rumors about you that were apparently sourced from your friend and that you're trying to clear up things as quickly and carefully as possible.

Seek out your friend's side of the story before making assumptions about what has happened. Use open-ended questions to encourage discussion and avoid asking specific ones or grilling your friend. Simply ask what happened. Listen attentively and stay sympathetic.
Ask your friend how he or she felt about what they said or did.

Avoid interrupting. There may be a temptation to correct things they are saying but don't; just listen for now.

Always talk to your friend away from other people. You can't have a serious conversation about your relationship issues when other people are around.

If your friend won't answer or evades the issue, persist gently but don't push. It is important to avoid lapsing into a rant or an angry tirade against your friend, as this will only cause him or her to withdraw even further. Getting caught doing something negative to a friend is beyond embarrassing; it's mortifying and most people know it's an issue of broken trust.

Tell your side of the story next. Keep a calm and steady voice and use words that express your feelings. Avoid making statements that are accusations. Simply explain how their actions have made you feel. Be as nice as possible but don't sound desperate, accusatory or angry.
Don't mention the person who told you. If they mention names, take your cue from there.


Bear in mind that people who are more removed from you than your friend may have an ax to grind or simply like to stir up trouble. It is important to keep an open mind before launching into accusing your friend of letting you down and spreading rumors about you. Consider what you know about the people who have fed the stories back to you and what their agenda might be. Consider also why you think your friend might have said something she or he shouldn't have––perhaps something slipped out without meaning to, perhaps a mistaken belief that someone else knew something caused your friend to elaborate or perhaps your friend was clueless about the real intentions of the person she or he spoke with. 

Ask your friend if you have done something to bring on this bout of backstabbing. It's important to know whether you have somehow (even if the logic behind your friend's thinking is illogical, odd or wrong) contributed to this state of affairs. If you have done something to hurt your friend, apologize. Even if you did nothing wrong objectively, apologize for reacting with anger or simply for just what happened. Say something like: "I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. It does not matter whose fault it is.

Know the difference between using "being hurt" by you as an excuse and genuine feelings of being hurt. This is only something you can judge from the circumstances at the time but it should be fairly clear to you.


Tell your friend that you consider that friendship is stronger than rumors and gossip, and that you're absolutely willing to work through whatever has happened to restore the trust in your friendship and move forward from this episode.

Ask your friend what he or she needs from you. This may vary, depending on the situation (namely, whether it arose as a result of envy, a misunderstanding, anger, etc.).

Be ready to meet both needs. This is where the resolution begins. You begin understanding each other and the situation. As you hear similar needs from each other, the differences are put aside and you are able to work things through. Try your hardest to meet both needs. There may be room for negotiation and/or compromise. Be ready to give up a part of your needs in turn for making the both of you happy.

Tell your friend how you feel about the decision and ask him or her if they're content with it as well.

Be willing to forgive. Let go of any anger and try to focus on the good things about your friend. He or she will come around.

Talk to someone else you trust, perhaps a parent, a spouse, another friend or even a counsel.  It is just important to have a shoulder to lean on at such a time.

Avoid seeking revenge. Thoughts of revenge may flit in and out but never act on them. Revenge is all-consuming and has a tendency to cause the person acting in revenge to stoop to the level of the person they're angry with. Forgive, learn and move on.

TIPS (According to moi :))

Try to sound understanding when you talk.

Stay kind. This is your friend, at least up to this point.

Avoid asking them anything by email or text. This is something to be done face to face only. Besides, it is harder to ignore or make up things when you're both present together.

Be honest. Don't embellish what you've overheard or being told.

Give it time. Time solves, many many things and time heals hurt feelings.

Denial from your friend can be undermined through an apology from you, whether or not it's warranted. For example, if your friend says something like: "I'm not mad at you, why are you trying to start stuff like that?", just apologize for overstepping the mark or for pushing them too hard. You probably won't want to, but it does help them to see that you're genuine and that you want to patch up things.

Being true and honest won't hurt you in fact being true to friends makes the FRIENDSHIP more meaningful and worthy of your life time :)