When you're angry,,,,

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. 

When people become angry they can experience many different thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. Some people experience strong feelings of resentment or hostility, raise their voice, curse, or throw things. Other people experience physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, and increases in heart rate and blood pressure. For some, angry feelings become so overwhelming they feel ready to explode. Others may not know they are angry about a situation but will feel physically ill, guilty, or will overreact to other situations. 

 Raised voice

yelling

cursing, headaches

stomach aches

 tightness in the throat

 increased heart rate

 increased blood pressure clenched fists

threatening others

 pushing

 shoving

 hitting

 feeling violated

 hostility

 resentment rage.

Many people experience these general signs of anger. Identify which feelings you experience. Then, look at how your anger develops. There are some feelings and thoughts that occur when anger begins and those that occur as anger increases.  It may be helpful to fill out an anger scale. This scale will help you identify your physical symptoms, thoughts and feelings when you first begin to feel angry and help you track how these change as your level of anger increases. In order to use the form, try to think of situations in the past where you have experienced anger and recall what feelings and symptoms you experienced. It will be helpful to think of situations where you experienced different levels of anger in order to better understand how your feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms change.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

The best way is to count from one to ten, it's like diffusing all your energy that you have counted on from anger 10 till 1. It's like releasing, destressing the energy that you have "wasted". Controlling can sometimes trigger in a good manner as it gives out positive vibrations. Whenever you face problems, encounter anger and try finding solutions it's always at the calm side that you can think of things,,,releasing air,,,,because with anger, all air is cramped up inside your head and waiting for it to explode. Slowly counting from 10 till one like diffusing a bomb can help calm things down and can release negative energy that just cramped up inside your head.

It also helps that you avoid on things that could easily trigger your anger. It can ease down the weight of the anger factor inside the body, which is the negative thoughts and feelings. 

In result, it's living a peaceful and less stressful lifetime. :)

when is it time to give up?

There comes a time when you  cannot distinguish what is giving up and when you've had enough. This is my own version, hear me out as this is just me expressing what I feel and what I just gather around from friends who got fed up and chose to walk away.

When you give up, it boils down to like a glass full of water over-poured, when you have given everything that you have, generosity comes in just to keep the relationship working because you know in your heart that there is still to fight for but then, when the significant other keeps on repeating mistake after mistake and after mistake just like a tape recorder. You suddenly come to a point that you want to give-up because you see things as not working out anymore, just like putting both your hands up in the air and say the famous line "I GIVE UP!" . To save yourself from respect and save the other significant half with respect, leaving while there is still time for respect, because if to be continued hate develops and we do not want that to happen. Before you hear and say things that could grow into fruits of spite and hatred.

When you've had enough the quickest way is to walk away quietly, leaving the memories and moving on. It's the quickest way without arguments and discussions where you have given your all and yet it is still not enough. Just walk away peacefully. We sometimes have this feeling of explaining things on why we've had enough but it's best to walk away and control what you have to say.

I guess prayer is still the best way, asking the good Lord what is the best for us for he knows best :) because amidst all of the mistakes and the troubles we have caused him he never gave up nor did he said "ENOUGH!",,,,,just a though to ponder :)

faithfulness,,,

Be faithful in any relationship!

Faithfulness is the key to great inner peace, joy, happiness and sweetness in life. 

When one is not faithful, the relationship becomes cold, bitter and painful...Love and commit. Don't hit and quit.

it's just short but very powerful give it a thought,,,,it might come in HANDY :)

How To DEAL BACK STABBERS (My own point of view :))

When you realize a friend has been talking about you in negative and detrimental ways behind your back, what should you do?

Ask your friend if you can have an important, quiet chat together. Tell your friend that you've heard negative rumors about you that were apparently sourced from your friend and that you're trying to clear up things as quickly and carefully as possible.

Seek out your friend's side of the story before making assumptions about what has happened. Use open-ended questions to encourage discussion and avoid asking specific ones or grilling your friend. Simply ask what happened. Listen attentively and stay sympathetic.
Ask your friend how he or she felt about what they said or did.

Avoid interrupting. There may be a temptation to correct things they are saying but don't; just listen for now.

Always talk to your friend away from other people. You can't have a serious conversation about your relationship issues when other people are around.

If your friend won't answer or evades the issue, persist gently but don't push. It is important to avoid lapsing into a rant or an angry tirade against your friend, as this will only cause him or her to withdraw even further. Getting caught doing something negative to a friend is beyond embarrassing; it's mortifying and most people know it's an issue of broken trust.

Tell your side of the story next. Keep a calm and steady voice and use words that express your feelings. Avoid making statements that are accusations. Simply explain how their actions have made you feel. Be as nice as possible but don't sound desperate, accusatory or angry.
Don't mention the person who told you. If they mention names, take your cue from there.


Bear in mind that people who are more removed from you than your friend may have an ax to grind or simply like to stir up trouble. It is important to keep an open mind before launching into accusing your friend of letting you down and spreading rumors about you. Consider what you know about the people who have fed the stories back to you and what their agenda might be. Consider also why you think your friend might have said something she or he shouldn't have––perhaps something slipped out without meaning to, perhaps a mistaken belief that someone else knew something caused your friend to elaborate or perhaps your friend was clueless about the real intentions of the person she or he spoke with. 

Learning from Richard Bach,,,

I’m here not because I am supposed to be here, or because I’m trapped here, but because I’d rather be with you than anywhere else in the world. ~ Richard Bach

I came across with this beautiful quote over my news feed in Facebook and it struck me hard that DEFINITELY being in love doesn't need to be because you are suppose to be needed in that place or because you were forced to be in love but because of the  that UNCONDITIONAL feeling and that feeling of you would trade anything in this world just to be with that person.

A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys,
and keys to fit our locks.
When we feel safe enough to open the locks,
our truest selves step out
and we can completely
and honestly be who we are;
we can be loved for who we are
and not for who we’re pretending to be.

Each unveils the best part of the other.
No matter what else goes wrong around us,
with that one person
we’re safe in our own paradise.

Our soulmate is someone
who shares our deepest longings,
our sense of direction.
When we’re two balloons,
and together our direction is up,
chances are we’ve found the right person.

Our soulmate is the one
who makes life
come to life.

Part of us is always the observer,
and no matter what,
it observes.
It watches us.
It does not care
if we are happy
or unhappy,
if we are sick or well,
if we live or die.
Its only job is to sit there
on our shoulder
and pass judgment
on whether we are
worthwhile human beings.

----- RICHARD BACH

Life As We Know It :)

 and so was staying home and watching tv ,,,,contemplating,,,,HA! and this timely movie comes in :)
huraay for HBO !!! Life As We Know It,,,

Holly and Eric were set up on a blind date by their friends, Peter and Allison who are married. After Peter and Allison are killed in an accident, they learn that they have been named as the guardians to Peter and Allison's daughter, Sophie. So they move into their house and try their best to honor their friends' wishes. But raising a child puts a crimp on their style and they don't exactly get along.

I am a great fan of romantic comedies and mind you not all of them are the  same. I actually laughed (unexpected) and even cried (really unexpected) during this movie. There is great chemistry between all the cast members . The premise that the story is based on is presented as very believable. I found myself immersed in the possibility of this happening in real life, not just reel life! I think the director brought out the best in the actors. Katie Heigl has more depth as an actor than I gave her credit for. Josh Duhmel proves to be more than just a pretty face. I really loved this movie and was so glad I went to see it!

:) just a heap of  trying to be happy and making things possible won'y hurt you a bit :)

How does it work? the CYCLE of LOVE

It all starts from a simple hello and hi,,,,

two steps forward,,,one step back

then the magic comes in LOVE

 you make dreams together,,,

feel all the LOVE surrounding you

no amount of time could take you apart

but then unexpectedly dreams crash and fall apart

and all the dreams became pieces of glass

 and somehow somewhere you still think of the things you do

and the way they use to be,,,but everything will just be a memory

you learn to embrace what is left behind and still LOVING and SINKING the moment

you were together.

:)

Why is LOVE so STUPID?

Love, of course, is not stupid.
Chemistry, masquerading as love, is stupid.

What is chemistry? It depends on the context. It typically means that you feel something when you are with or even think about the other person. You feel more alive. More often than not, chemistry also means, “I am interested in a sexual relationship with that person.”

Lack of chemistry tells you to say “no” to a person who otherwise seems so suited to you. But its presence tells you to say “yes”—even to a person who will guarantee a difficult relationship. Occasionally, chemistry gets it right and we make a wise relational decision, but some people win the lottery too.

It is complicated. Do you encourage marriage when there is no chemistry? Perhaps. But shouldn’t we expect that a marital partner is affected by—is moved by, feels something because of—the other person? And if chemistry connects to an interest in sex, then we would hope that there is some chemistry in every marriage. I have known people who married without any chemistry, and then, later, there was chemistry—but it was for someone else, and they renounced their marriage vows. Ugh. I love chemistry… and I hate chemistry.

What should we do when a loved one is overwhelmed by that chemical-combustion-mistaken-as-love? Here is one answer: I don’t know. I have yet to find anything that neutralizes it. Tackle the victims, tie them down, bring in a hundred witnesses to scream at and berate them, send them to boarding school—these are all fine ideas. They just don’t work. (Yes, it is sort of like treating an addiction).

But godly wisdom isn’t intimidated when we are at the end of ourselves. In fact, that is when godly wisdom begins its work. Wisdom begins with humble dependence on the Giver of Wisdom. It could include the following.

· Listen. Wisdom specializes in listening. Though chemistry can be stupid, it also has its reasons. Remember that the chemically-addled person is more like you than you think. Behind the attraction might be ordinary human desires, including the desire for a partner.

· Be concrete. What specifically are your concerns? Vague generalizations will not win the person over but prove you are simply “against them.” And be sure your objections are valid ones. Talk to another wise friend first to get an outside opinion of the relationship. For example, I know a situation in which the parents’ concerns are not valid. They are persuaded that their daughter is sinful in her desire to marry because she is not yet 25 years old. They didn’t marry before age 25, so their children shouldn’t either. These parents are imposing their own story on their daughter rather than Scripture.

· Ask the person to listen. You want the person to be wise, and wisdom listens. If the person refuses to listen, first consider how you might not be worth listening to and confess where you have gone wrong. Then appeal to the person—if the decision to marry is a good one, it should be able to bear up under the different perspectives of loved ones.

· Get help. This one can be difficult because the person believes you are simply lining up like-minded people. It works best when everyone can agree on which wise people to include.

· Keep moving toward the person in love. This becomes more difficult when the person demands that love means enthusiastic support. But biblical love is creative, and we can pray with a certain amount of confidence that our Father would allow our love to be blatant and undeniable.

Loved ones can get it wrong. An unwise relationship can grow into something better. But loved ones often get it right, especially if they are part of a larger chorus that is singing the same refrain. Either way, parents, family and friends will be led through suffering when someone they love is afflicted with stupid love. And hardships lead us to spiritual dependence and prayer.

:)

How do you say Goodbye?

When a circumstance happens that your personality might not like, it is imperative that you stop fighting what the universe is showing you, and start to look for the blessing in disguise, as well as the higher reason behind it.

When you truly learn to go with the flow, in the moment, you will gain a great deal of trust. What you will ultimately trust is that it is happening for your highest good and for the highest good of the other person. You might not see the higher reason at the current time, but you definitely will in hindsight.

You do not own another person. He or she can do whatever he or she wants to do. How could you not say goodbye if that is being asked of you? This is the root of desirous attachment. Your desires might be too attached to the other person in a way that is not healthy. The only way to release this, as with anything else, is with tremendous love and compassion for you and for the other person.

Look at what good can possibly come out of the situation. Look for what might very well be for each of your highest good. Replace "want" with "prefer". You "prefer" to trust that there are higher reasons behind this situation and what you "want" might not be possible at this time. It might be possible in the future, or never. Release that grip with a flow of unconditional love. This will serve each of you far better than holding on for dear life. As a matter of fact, a "dear life" is what you ultimately "want" both for you and the other person. Allow it to be what it is. As soon as you begin to "allow" then you will begin to feel inner peace, and the pain will vanish.

Hidden Truths About Falling Inlove

Love is oftentimes connoted with a feeling. Sure, for about five minutes. Then reality kicks in…and then love becomes the conjoined twin of the words for what may seem like an eternity to some people: "sacrifice", "commitment", "a choice". Lovely!

Like a full-time job, Olympic sport, fitness regimen, or financial investment, love, in its many forms, isn’t made for everyone unless one is truly prepared.

 -Love seems to be the hottest, most popular bachelor we’re never going to get: It’s just too damn elusive.

- Love as they say is like sweet poetry or the perfect dance between two people. But the problem is, not everyone can whip out a sonnet or bust a move like Usher. It takes much practice, patience, persistence and lonely nights.

-It always looks amazing at the start but, when the label has been made official, romance has now been replaced with too much lazy familiarity that not even a La-Z-Boy could compete. Promising, isn’t it?

- Just like having a pet or a child, commitment entails a No Return, No Exchange Policy (for as long as your pride can bear it just to say you didn’t give up first).

- It is the hardest universal subject that involves logic from the whole trial and error process, and yet no matter how many formulas you think you’ve mastered, it has another aspect in its curriculum that you can’t learn in school: band-aiding a broken heart.

- The fact that it is called “falling,” implies that there is a level of discomfort, uncertainty and vulnerability from appearing to be “weak” as you blindly (although others may call it fearlessly to sound less foolish) tread the so-called pathway to love (which is sometimes mistaken with lust).

- People are so afraid of bungee jumping or sky diving for the fear of dying in an instant and yet, “falling” in love, where if you don’t play your cards right, you can get your head, heart and soul crushed, torn, battered and bruised in a slow almost-death-like experience from the intense anguish. The worst part: it’s a slow torturous process that never leads to actual death since we were created to be resilient beings. Awesome!

- It is a drug that’s got no “Anonymous” support group other than your girlfriends’ place filled with chick flick DVDs, John Mayer’s “Heartbreak Warfare” on loop. Pajama pity party indeed!

- Another term for lover is a flame. Exactly! Just as a moth is lured to a flame or we are to an “end of season FINAL SALE” sign, it takes a hold on us, that we become defenseless. Hence the term, “burned by love...” or your credit card. Same banana.

- Just like a damn hiccup, it can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And even if we hold our breath for 30 seconds as Google Facts swears it’ll kill the annoying reflex, it just won’t go away!!!

Yet, after all the ice cream, cheesy songs, drunken nights, and random rebound kissing have all served their purpose, by golly, it’s back in the rollercoaster saddle of this funny thing we call love.

We may have gained a few extra pounds from emotional eating or neglected our roots from not getting its monthly color retouching, but we gained such incredible insight about ourselves.

We turn out stronger, wiser, more confident individuals who ultimately seek only one type of revenge that hurts no one: to be happier.

It is only then that we can truly say that our past can no longer hurt us. They were yesterday’s news and today we’re making headlines as we return into the dating scene larger than life!

Bottom line, pain is the one thing we need to feel alive. It’s a prick on the nerve endings of our soul to realize how fleeting life and love are, that we need to grab them for dear life or the moment just might pass. We need love’s nemesis to truly understand, appreciate and respect love’s power on us: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Love truly is a drug and it’s just what the doctor recommended.

I guess that’s why they also call it, “Crazy in Love.” Anyone who’s ever been in love will say this: to experience the rush or reignite that spark just for a moment in time, they would gladly go through all the pain, all over again.

What a chick would DO at every age (inspired by COSMO MAGAZINE)

Your problems at age 28 are so different from those you had at 18. Here are some age-appropriate woes and how you can face them head-on.

Age is just a number—true, but hold it right there. Admit it: You get anxious about the number of candles adding up on your birthday cake. Unfortunately, nothing can keep you from the real woes and concerns that come at certain periods of your life. 

At 18: “Am I in the right course? Should I shift?”

Suddenly you find yourself wondering what in the world made you take this course. Now that you’re of legal age, you begin to think long-term and wonder if your course will prove to be as fun way after graduation.

 If in doubt, ask questions. Ask yourself first what it is you’re good in. There has to be something that you do better than your friends. Make list of these skills—general or specific ones. Then, write a personal mission statement that sums up your values and your ultimate goal.

At 22: “I’m so nervous about my first job. How will I know I’m on the right career path?”

 At last, you’re done with college, only to find another stretch of uncharted road ahead. Too bad, you no longer have professors to tell you what to do and how things can be done.

 Be patient. “Don’t focus on when you’re going to move up; focus on what you’re doing now. So, instead of doubting your capabilities and worrying about your future, let yourself get acquainted well with the job. Give yourself about a year before you decide whether to stay in the company or pursue another job. And in the meantime, work to the best of your ability every single workday and see what happens.

At 25: “I don’t know what to do with my life. Should I change jobs? Move out? Get married? Is this quarter-life crisis?”

Things aren’t turning out the way you wanted. It’s frustrating to have so many choices but you can’t make one. Stuck in a rut? You’re not alone.

 Be a go-getter, not a rigid “checklister.” It’s good to have a plan, but you should also be willing to welcome change and unafraid to commit mistakes every now and then. And, when faced with a multitude of options, pick one and stick to it. Sometimes, you just have to decide and be content with your decision, otherwise you will continue to be torn between the reality of what you have and the fantasy in your head of what you think would be better.

At 28: “I’m already 28 and I still don’t have savings. Trust me, my financial status is less than impressive.”

By now, your savings account should be steadily growing. Instead, you have an outstanding credit card balance and bills to pay.

First, pay your bills on time and pay off your debt. Monitor and control the outflow of your money. And when you do need to spend, don’t max out your credit card. Choose a card with a lower credit limit to instill some discipline. Finally, automate your savings. You can ask your bank to funnel a certain amount of your checking account into your savings. As you become more adept at saving money, increase the amount and keep on saving up.

At 30: “I’m 30 and I still don’t have a boyfriend. Will I still have a chance to get married?”

 You have it all—except for a gutsy man to ask for your hand. Worse, your friends and family can’t just help but prod at your almost happy life.

Have the time of your life, whether you’re single or not. Sure, you’re no longer 20 years old, but that’s a good thing. This is your time to experiment and learn what would make you a happier person. Once you start refocusing your efforts on you, instead of why you’re alone, why he isn’t proposing, or why everyone you know has already beaten you to the bridal shop, you’ll be on your way. The more you focus on the things you can control, the less the other stuff is going to affect you.

Falling in love over and over again

Ever wondered if you will still be loving the one you are with now forever, or that if you woke up tomorrow morning you would still be feeling the same about them? 

Well, here is how you can fall in love with your partner over and over again. Just because you have been with your partner for a long time it is not a reason enough to start taking them for granted and stop doing special things for them. In fact the more you stay with a person the more special things you should do for them. This is because when you settle into something comfortable for you, something that lacks all the excitement all you will be doing is you will be boring your partner. If you do not want this to happen to you, do something special and exciting with and for your partner.

Show your partner that you appreciate all that they are and what they do. If you keep appreciating someone and not highlighting all their short comings they will love you even more. This is because they will know that you love them for them and you do not expect something more in return but just love and understanding. They will end up falling for your personality. If you are yourself, everyday there will be something new about you, something interesting that your partner would like to explore. This way your partner will be falling in love with the person that is you.

Be flexible and fun to be with, do not be rigid to a point where your partner cannot suggest anything out of the usual and expect you to be happy about it. This is because many people, In fact most people want to have some good company, someone who would make them laugh even when there is nothing to laugh about. Someone who they wont have to make an effort to entertain them but someone who when they are together, they both feel comfortable and fun to be with. That way, you will make your partner fall in love with you again every time you have a conversation and you make them feel great about themselves or something.

Make your partner feel wanted, needed and loved. Involve them in everything you do and make them feel like they are part of you. Tell them you love them and when you need them, make sure you tell them. This way, you will make your fall more and more in love whenever he or she thinks that you love them and that you need them. 

Love is a process and it needs to be natured the correct way of loving people will guarantee that the person falls in love with you all over again but if you go about it the wrong way, love will never survive long. :)