How To DEAL BACK STABBERS (My own point of view :))

When you realize a friend has been talking about you in negative and detrimental ways behind your back, what should you do?

Ask your friend if you can have an important, quiet chat together. Tell your friend that you've heard negative rumors about you that were apparently sourced from your friend and that you're trying to clear up things as quickly and carefully as possible.

Seek out your friend's side of the story before making assumptions about what has happened. Use open-ended questions to encourage discussion and avoid asking specific ones or grilling your friend. Simply ask what happened. Listen attentively and stay sympathetic.
Ask your friend how he or she felt about what they said or did.

Avoid interrupting. There may be a temptation to correct things they are saying but don't; just listen for now.

Always talk to your friend away from other people. You can't have a serious conversation about your relationship issues when other people are around.

If your friend won't answer or evades the issue, persist gently but don't push. It is important to avoid lapsing into a rant or an angry tirade against your friend, as this will only cause him or her to withdraw even further. Getting caught doing something negative to a friend is beyond embarrassing; it's mortifying and most people know it's an issue of broken trust.

Tell your side of the story next. Keep a calm and steady voice and use words that express your feelings. Avoid making statements that are accusations. Simply explain how their actions have made you feel. Be as nice as possible but don't sound desperate, accusatory or angry.
Don't mention the person who told you. If they mention names, take your cue from there.


Bear in mind that people who are more removed from you than your friend may have an ax to grind or simply like to stir up trouble. It is important to keep an open mind before launching into accusing your friend of letting you down and spreading rumors about you. Consider what you know about the people who have fed the stories back to you and what their agenda might be. Consider also why you think your friend might have said something she or he shouldn't have––perhaps something slipped out without meaning to, perhaps a mistaken belief that someone else knew something caused your friend to elaborate or perhaps your friend was clueless about the real intentions of the person she or he spoke with. 

Learning from Richard Bach,,,

I’m here not because I am supposed to be here, or because I’m trapped here, but because I’d rather be with you than anywhere else in the world. ~ Richard Bach

I came across with this beautiful quote over my news feed in Facebook and it struck me hard that DEFINITELY being in love doesn't need to be because you are suppose to be needed in that place or because you were forced to be in love but because of the  that UNCONDITIONAL feeling and that feeling of you would trade anything in this world just to be with that person.

A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys,
and keys to fit our locks.
When we feel safe enough to open the locks,
our truest selves step out
and we can completely
and honestly be who we are;
we can be loved for who we are
and not for who we’re pretending to be.

Each unveils the best part of the other.
No matter what else goes wrong around us,
with that one person
we’re safe in our own paradise.

Our soulmate is someone
who shares our deepest longings,
our sense of direction.
When we’re two balloons,
and together our direction is up,
chances are we’ve found the right person.

Our soulmate is the one
who makes life
come to life.

Part of us is always the observer,
and no matter what,
it observes.
It watches us.
It does not care
if we are happy
or unhappy,
if we are sick or well,
if we live or die.
Its only job is to sit there
on our shoulder
and pass judgment
on whether we are
worthwhile human beings.

----- RICHARD BACH

Life As We Know It :)

 and so was staying home and watching tv ,,,,contemplating,,,,HA! and this timely movie comes in :)
huraay for HBO !!! Life As We Know It,,,

Holly and Eric were set up on a blind date by their friends, Peter and Allison who are married. After Peter and Allison are killed in an accident, they learn that they have been named as the guardians to Peter and Allison's daughter, Sophie. So they move into their house and try their best to honor their friends' wishes. But raising a child puts a crimp on their style and they don't exactly get along.

I am a great fan of romantic comedies and mind you not all of them are the  same. I actually laughed (unexpected) and even cried (really unexpected) during this movie. There is great chemistry between all the cast members . The premise that the story is based on is presented as very believable. I found myself immersed in the possibility of this happening in real life, not just reel life! I think the director brought out the best in the actors. Katie Heigl has more depth as an actor than I gave her credit for. Josh Duhmel proves to be more than just a pretty face. I really loved this movie and was so glad I went to see it!

:) just a heap of  trying to be happy and making things possible won'y hurt you a bit :)

How does it work? the CYCLE of LOVE

It all starts from a simple hello and hi,,,,

two steps forward,,,one step back

then the magic comes in LOVE

 you make dreams together,,,

feel all the LOVE surrounding you

no amount of time could take you apart

but then unexpectedly dreams crash and fall apart

and all the dreams became pieces of glass

 and somehow somewhere you still think of the things you do

and the way they use to be,,,but everything will just be a memory

you learn to embrace what is left behind and still LOVING and SINKING the moment

you were together.

:)

Why is LOVE so STUPID?

Love, of course, is not stupid.
Chemistry, masquerading as love, is stupid.

What is chemistry? It depends on the context. It typically means that you feel something when you are with or even think about the other person. You feel more alive. More often than not, chemistry also means, “I am interested in a sexual relationship with that person.”

Lack of chemistry tells you to say “no” to a person who otherwise seems so suited to you. But its presence tells you to say “yes”—even to a person who will guarantee a difficult relationship. Occasionally, chemistry gets it right and we make a wise relational decision, but some people win the lottery too.

It is complicated. Do you encourage marriage when there is no chemistry? Perhaps. But shouldn’t we expect that a marital partner is affected by—is moved by, feels something because of—the other person? And if chemistry connects to an interest in sex, then we would hope that there is some chemistry in every marriage. I have known people who married without any chemistry, and then, later, there was chemistry—but it was for someone else, and they renounced their marriage vows. Ugh. I love chemistry… and I hate chemistry.

What should we do when a loved one is overwhelmed by that chemical-combustion-mistaken-as-love? Here is one answer: I don’t know. I have yet to find anything that neutralizes it. Tackle the victims, tie them down, bring in a hundred witnesses to scream at and berate them, send them to boarding school—these are all fine ideas. They just don’t work. (Yes, it is sort of like treating an addiction).

But godly wisdom isn’t intimidated when we are at the end of ourselves. In fact, that is when godly wisdom begins its work. Wisdom begins with humble dependence on the Giver of Wisdom. It could include the following.

· Listen. Wisdom specializes in listening. Though chemistry can be stupid, it also has its reasons. Remember that the chemically-addled person is more like you than you think. Behind the attraction might be ordinary human desires, including the desire for a partner.

· Be concrete. What specifically are your concerns? Vague generalizations will not win the person over but prove you are simply “against them.” And be sure your objections are valid ones. Talk to another wise friend first to get an outside opinion of the relationship. For example, I know a situation in which the parents’ concerns are not valid. They are persuaded that their daughter is sinful in her desire to marry because she is not yet 25 years old. They didn’t marry before age 25, so their children shouldn’t either. These parents are imposing their own story on their daughter rather than Scripture.

· Ask the person to listen. You want the person to be wise, and wisdom listens. If the person refuses to listen, first consider how you might not be worth listening to and confess where you have gone wrong. Then appeal to the person—if the decision to marry is a good one, it should be able to bear up under the different perspectives of loved ones.

· Get help. This one can be difficult because the person believes you are simply lining up like-minded people. It works best when everyone can agree on which wise people to include.

· Keep moving toward the person in love. This becomes more difficult when the person demands that love means enthusiastic support. But biblical love is creative, and we can pray with a certain amount of confidence that our Father would allow our love to be blatant and undeniable.

Loved ones can get it wrong. An unwise relationship can grow into something better. But loved ones often get it right, especially if they are part of a larger chorus that is singing the same refrain. Either way, parents, family and friends will be led through suffering when someone they love is afflicted with stupid love. And hardships lead us to spiritual dependence and prayer.

:)

How do you say Goodbye?

When a circumstance happens that your personality might not like, it is imperative that you stop fighting what the universe is showing you, and start to look for the blessing in disguise, as well as the higher reason behind it.

When you truly learn to go with the flow, in the moment, you will gain a great deal of trust. What you will ultimately trust is that it is happening for your highest good and for the highest good of the other person. You might not see the higher reason at the current time, but you definitely will in hindsight.

You do not own another person. He or she can do whatever he or she wants to do. How could you not say goodbye if that is being asked of you? This is the root of desirous attachment. Your desires might be too attached to the other person in a way that is not healthy. The only way to release this, as with anything else, is with tremendous love and compassion for you and for the other person.

Look at what good can possibly come out of the situation. Look for what might very well be for each of your highest good. Replace "want" with "prefer". You "prefer" to trust that there are higher reasons behind this situation and what you "want" might not be possible at this time. It might be possible in the future, or never. Release that grip with a flow of unconditional love. This will serve each of you far better than holding on for dear life. As a matter of fact, a "dear life" is what you ultimately "want" both for you and the other person. Allow it to be what it is. As soon as you begin to "allow" then you will begin to feel inner peace, and the pain will vanish.

Hidden Truths About Falling Inlove

Love is oftentimes connoted with a feeling. Sure, for about five minutes. Then reality kicks in…and then love becomes the conjoined twin of the words for what may seem like an eternity to some people: "sacrifice", "commitment", "a choice". Lovely!

Like a full-time job, Olympic sport, fitness regimen, or financial investment, love, in its many forms, isn’t made for everyone unless one is truly prepared.

 -Love seems to be the hottest, most popular bachelor we’re never going to get: It’s just too damn elusive.

- Love as they say is like sweet poetry or the perfect dance between two people. But the problem is, not everyone can whip out a sonnet or bust a move like Usher. It takes much practice, patience, persistence and lonely nights.

-It always looks amazing at the start but, when the label has been made official, romance has now been replaced with too much lazy familiarity that not even a La-Z-Boy could compete. Promising, isn’t it?

- Just like having a pet or a child, commitment entails a No Return, No Exchange Policy (for as long as your pride can bear it just to say you didn’t give up first).

- It is the hardest universal subject that involves logic from the whole trial and error process, and yet no matter how many formulas you think you’ve mastered, it has another aspect in its curriculum that you can’t learn in school: band-aiding a broken heart.

- The fact that it is called “falling,” implies that there is a level of discomfort, uncertainty and vulnerability from appearing to be “weak” as you blindly (although others may call it fearlessly to sound less foolish) tread the so-called pathway to love (which is sometimes mistaken with lust).

- People are so afraid of bungee jumping or sky diving for the fear of dying in an instant and yet, “falling” in love, where if you don’t play your cards right, you can get your head, heart and soul crushed, torn, battered and bruised in a slow almost-death-like experience from the intense anguish. The worst part: it’s a slow torturous process that never leads to actual death since we were created to be resilient beings. Awesome!

- It is a drug that’s got no “Anonymous” support group other than your girlfriends’ place filled with chick flick DVDs, John Mayer’s “Heartbreak Warfare” on loop. Pajama pity party indeed!

- Another term for lover is a flame. Exactly! Just as a moth is lured to a flame or we are to an “end of season FINAL SALE” sign, it takes a hold on us, that we become defenseless. Hence the term, “burned by love...” or your credit card. Same banana.

- Just like a damn hiccup, it can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And even if we hold our breath for 30 seconds as Google Facts swears it’ll kill the annoying reflex, it just won’t go away!!!

Yet, after all the ice cream, cheesy songs, drunken nights, and random rebound kissing have all served their purpose, by golly, it’s back in the rollercoaster saddle of this funny thing we call love.

We may have gained a few extra pounds from emotional eating or neglected our roots from not getting its monthly color retouching, but we gained such incredible insight about ourselves.

We turn out stronger, wiser, more confident individuals who ultimately seek only one type of revenge that hurts no one: to be happier.

It is only then that we can truly say that our past can no longer hurt us. They were yesterday’s news and today we’re making headlines as we return into the dating scene larger than life!

Bottom line, pain is the one thing we need to feel alive. It’s a prick on the nerve endings of our soul to realize how fleeting life and love are, that we need to grab them for dear life or the moment just might pass. We need love’s nemesis to truly understand, appreciate and respect love’s power on us: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Love truly is a drug and it’s just what the doctor recommended.

I guess that’s why they also call it, “Crazy in Love.” Anyone who’s ever been in love will say this: to experience the rush or reignite that spark just for a moment in time, they would gladly go through all the pain, all over again.